


Learn to be Lonely

by szarabasjka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abortion, Kink Meme, M/M, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 11:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10695987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/szarabasjka/pseuds/szarabasjka
Summary: Fill (as anon) to thispromptSam and Dean have together for quite some time and when Sam finds out that he's pregnant they both are completely over the moon even though it's unexpected and something they never planned. Sam's morning sickness is really intense and when he gets checked out at the doctor they find out that he's having twins. However later on they realize there is a complication with the pregnancy due to the fact that the children are a product of incest (conjoined twins, birth defects, etc.). Sam is completely heartbroken and blames himself. Dean is there to comfort him whatever his decision would be.(only bottom!Sam please)





	Learn to be Lonely

"Dean...?" the shout from the bathroom had Dean Winchester out of the bed and running to his lover's side  
"Sammy?" Sam was standing by the counter holding something, his fast and uneven breath the only sound in the room. "What is it baby?" and Sam pushed a small white plastic wand at him, Dean focused his eyes on it and he saw them two perfectly clear blue stripes, "holly fuck!" Dean's eyes were huge as saucers and he felt like passing out.  
Sam was shaking and he felt like heaving. 

Dean remembers, last month, the night when they finished a legion of demons, were at least 30 of them and they fought each one of them against all odds the Winchesters beat them all, and in the frenzy of adrenaline and joy after the victory, they ended up naked and sweaty in the back sit of the car, Dean remembers his baby brother desperate, begging for his cock "sammy... we don't have condoms"

Sam's teeth scraped his neck while his hips thrust forward, rubbing Dean's length "doesn't matter, i can't wait... please... need you..." and bit his neck, Dean's eyes rolled back and hands gripped more firmly fleshy cheeks "I promise it'll be okay..." the inhuman sound that left Dean's throat when Sam slid his hand on his jeans to free his erection, "don't you want to fuck me?" and kissed him biting his bottom lip a little, just enough to bring blood to the surface and make him want more, "don't you wanna tore me open with this" and jacked him "think how hot... how tight..." and that was it Dean was on top in one of those feline movements, Sam giggled and raised his hips to help Dean with his pants.

"So hot..." blurted Dean against one of his nipples, "so pretty... so needy..." and bit the nub causing Sam to raise his chest and hiss wantonly.

"Now... Dean, Now or I swear I'll go out and fuck the first person that looks at me" Dean Chuckled and kept teasing him rubbing his long thick shaft against the cleft of his ass, his hands playing with his skin and lips sucking and biting random spots on his chest. "I need you, inside... please..." Sam begged desperate, his own dick fully erect and drooling pre-come "Dean.." and sobbed, one of his arms moved to cover his eyes, Dean chuckled.

"sadistic bastard..." Sam let out and pushed Dean off of him, searching for his pants "I'm gonna find the biggest guy, and I'm gonna let him fuck me, so good, so hard I'll be all sore... and won't even think about...." Dean pulled Sam back, tossing him on his back, climbing the long slim body, trapping his baby brother and lover under him, rubbing every last bit of his body, like marking him with his scent like cats do"Oh you're not going... So not going..." and spreading Sam's thighs apart penetrated him in one fast painful thrust, just what Sam needed "mine... only mine" growled, waiting just a couple seconds until Sam who lost his breath in a single "yours" caught some air before starting pistoning, hard and fast, trying to get as far inside Sam as possible, savoring every second of it, every inch, every time the sensitive skin slid inside the slick hotness of Sam's hole "So good... so perfect..."

Sam had his hands on Dean's shoulders pulling him down for a kiss, his tongue caressed Dean's lips and teased inside his mouth until Dean, possessive bastard bit lightly on it and sucked hard, wanting to swallow his baby brother inside, the keening sounds he was getting out of Sam, the smell of sex and sweat, the slapping of flesh on flesh, Sam sobbed and his forehead touched "I love you..." he let out between pants, eyes closed and lips parted as he came painting his stomach and Dean's, ass clenching around Dean's hard rod pulling him with him into orgasm, it took them almost an hour to be ready to go back, that was six weeks ago, and Sam's been feeling under the weather for the last three and a half.

"what are we going to do?" Sam was still looking at the stick, "we can't have a baby... not like this?"

Dean chuckled "why not?" Sam looked at dean as if he suddenly grew a second head "seriously why not?"

Sam almost crying turned at him finally "as hunters Dean? can we deal with a kid being hunters."

Dean held his hands "then after this one hunt we'll settle down somewhere and I'll do solos until you're ready, or if you ever want to go back" caressed Sam's back until his lover turned and hugged him  
"It’s just... it's so surprising ..." sam let out, and Dean Snorted

"Surprising? We have sex for the last seven years baby... what you expected? An iphone 5?" Sam finally chuckled while Dean dried his face with butterfly kisses "this is good... really good" and pulled him closer again, Sam felt the enormous snake inside the right leg of Dean's pants "DAMN!! I want you so bad...” 

It was Sam's time to chuckle "then have me... “And kissed Dean while he was clawing his clothes off.

***

The hunt went all kinds of wrong, there were two spirits instead of one, the second appeared to be extremely interested in Sammy, and while Dean fought to dig corpse and burn it Sam was taken and smashed against a fallen three, tummy falling hard on the hard bark.

after three and a half hours he woke up, on a hospital bed, Dean sitting by his side, Sam sat desperate, Dean had a gash over his brow and his lip was broken, and was sitting favoring his left side as if her were in too much pain.

“Dean?” he tried to move but felt something in his stomach, not pain, more like cramps and Dean was up “you okay Sammy? Are you in pain? ”and shouting to the door “NURSE!!”

Sam smiled “I’m fine… just a little pain…” and it hit him once more.

A nurse entered, her hair tied in a braid and smiling at them “look at you honey, you’re up… how you are feeling?” and she checked his IV and his stats on the monitor before getting a chart and starting writing “I have a couple questions to you two…” and changing pages “your last name is also Winchester?” Sam said yes “that’s odd is not such a common last name and…” turned to Dean and to the chart again “your baby’s daddy is…”

“We’re married…” Dean blurted out “seven years now…”

“We got married in Canada…” added Sam 

“… Vancouver... we spend 9 months of the year there anyways…” Dean scratched his right ear, like every time he’s nervous “and it was the right thing to do… he’s the one….” And his sappy smiled melted Sam inside, they heard the nurse cooing at them and finishing the papers.

“Your doctor would be here in a little while, just call me if you need anything…” and she left

Dean smiled until she was out of the room “The spirit?” asked Sam

“Gone…” and getting closer “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I let you get hurt…”

“We were hunting, shit happens…”

“But…” and Dean’s hand landed on Sammy’s lower belly “our little one…. He deserve better than that” Sam was so touched his eyes watered for a second.

Deep inside he felt like that little one inside of his body was the answer he looked for his entire life, he always felt alone and inadequate, always not worthy of love, he only had Dean and most of the time he was afraid Dean will finally understand he deserved better, but now… ? now inside of him, was someone who’d love him no matter what, he was worried about the demon blood, yes, but Dean researched three days looking for a hex that could keep the baby safe –is like one of those treatments before the baby is born… just like any other- said, Dean said even if the blood and the destiny carried in it get to the baby he’ll be there to help him.

Now he finally had a family, someone who would complete them, who could make everything right.  
“You okay baby?” Dean was already kissing his temple.

Sam blinked and smiled “yeah… just thinking about him… what are we going to name him?”

Dean smiled goofy and hopeful “Bobby John?”

Sam let out a real laugh at that, who’d say they get to use the name “as long as you don’t bribe him or give him Whiskey…”

“Agreed… ” Dean’s hand rubbed over Sam’s thigh “and if is a girl… Mary?”

Sam kissed the nostalgia out of Dean’s face “Mary Beth? For Jo?” Dean agreed again.

The doctor came in and ordered a sonogram to have the baby checked and was amazed when he told the proud parents they were having twins.

Sam cried and Dean held him, the second they were alone they cried together, double blessing, what would be better?

Or in this case what would be worst?

***  
Dean and Sam inherited Bobby’s property and they started the same salvage business, aswell as a garage. Sam was doing research for other hunters while Dean worked and then dean went on solo hunts every now and then. Life went by for ten weeks, it was about time to have the 16 weeks sonogram and see the sex of the babies.

Dean talked nonstop while going to the hospital, how if the babies were two boys they should be named John and Robert, how he’d take them to the circus and to parks, how he’d be there for them every step of the way, Sam could see a little bit of bitterness in every word. If they were girls they’d be Mary and Jo Beth, and they better know how to kick ass, because he was not having girls that will let boys ran over them, no!

Sam smiled all the time “and where I am on that story?”  
Dean turned at him one brow raised “by my side, as it should be… I love you”

Sam bought a little giraffe with a green tutu and a little frog with a baseball cap at the gift shop one for each one of his kids.  
Everything was smiles and lovely caresses until Sam was on the table, in a paper gown, his once flat muscled stomach was gone, now it was blown up making room for new life.

He couldn’t even use his pants anymore he had to use maternity pants and he hated them, used as he was to have others looking at him, to have Dean looking at him with lust and hunger, but Dean told him he looked amazing in anything and without anything, and the hottest ever in that paper gown. Sam slapped him on the shoulder blushing.

A guy entered “Hello, Mr. Winchester… and… Mr. Winchester” chuckled “how have you been?” asked a couple questions, weighted, and measured Sam, then his stomach, touching, looking for baby parts, and then when everything was done he pulled a machine closer “now let’s see your babies…” and touched his stomach once more before applying gel, he pointed to a screen where both boys could see their babies

“Here’s the first heartbeat… and this is the head… and… oh…” Dean turned to the guy who has his eyes fix on the machine  
“What’s wrong Doc?” the guy only rolled the little bench closer to the screen 

Sam turned to Dean and raised a hand for him to take “just one moment... let me see this one… reeeaaally close… I think… Oh…” and the sound were so sad it scared Sam.

“is something wrong doctor?”

The doctor looked at his eyes for a second “keep still until I…” once more the heartbeat were heard, just as fast but there was another sound in it, the doctor cursed under his breath and asked them to wait a moment while he ran out.  
“are they okay?” asked Sam desperate 

Dean was looking to the blurry blotches on the screen “I don’t really know”  
The door opened and the doctor was back “Dean, Sam this is Dr Fukushima, she’ll check the babies…” said without really explaining anything  
Dean stood to his full height “NO, you’re not touching Sammy until you tell me what’s wrong!”

The tinny woman hardly reached Dean’s chest smiled at them “that’s what I’m here for” and moved to the little bench “So… Mr. Winchester.. Sam… have you been taking your vitamins?” Sammy said yes, she then asked about other stuff, food, if he ever took any drugs, Sam looked at Dean and said no, she asked about any rare health problem in the family and Sam and Dean said no, then she asked if Sam had been careful “I had a couple transfusions like three years ago… lots of blood, I had an accident hunting…-a.k.a. he was an ex blood junkie” The doctor nodded and took the wand, squirted gel and asked about accidents aside of the hunting and Sam told her about when he and his husband were mugged –a.k.a. the last hunt together, they were so engrossed in answering her questions that none of them noticed when the heartbeat once more were heard, it was as fast, and as steady but there was something not normal, there was a weird shushing noise in middle of it, the doctor let out a curse.  
“Oh God… what’s wrong?”

The doctor turned at Sam and Dean “one of the babies seems to have a heart condition, a murmur; we’ll try another sonogram, we’ll spend more time with her after we check on the twin, so don’t worry; okay?”

Dean reacted at last “HER?” and the doctor nodded with a knowing smile, Sam chuckled and dean kissed his forehead.

Dr Fukushima turned to the screen again “let’s see the other one…” and she spent several minutes looking for the other heart, she frowned and zoomed into the screen “come out, come out, wherever you are…” and then the far lower heartbeat were heard “there you are…!” She said and asked Sam to turn on his side; he was facing away from the screen and had only to guide himself by the reaction on Dean’s face, that’s why it hurt the most, when he was told the baby was not okay by the louder curse the doctor let out.

“What’s wrong? Dean?”

Dean turned at Sam confused and then faced the doctor “doctor…” Dean was fighting to find words “why… is that…?”

After asking Dean to wait outside they made a longer study in a 4D image machine and then had the boys sat in front of Dr. Fukushima to tell them “I’m sorry… but I have to tell you this without beating around the bushes” and put the images on several screens behind her “as you can see there are two babies, but they’re conjoined… there’s only one placenta and one heart… one of the babies has a rare condition” and showing them a different drawing of a baby with a flat head “it’s called anencephaly, it only happens in rare occasions, mostly because rare genes find their pairs”

“But... Is there a treatment? Is my baby going to be okay?”

“No, Sam… I’m afraid she won’t be okay, this babies won’t live a day after they’re born, and considering the heart condition of your other kid… look” and showed them a deformed heart where four cavities should be there was only three and he could see by his basics knowledge on anatomy it shouldn’t be like that. “the heart would not keep the baby alive…”

Sam started crying and Dean held him close, the doctor waited until the younger Winchester was more calmed to add “I know what I’m telling you is hard to hear… but we have things to decide now. There are experimental treatments we could use, to save baby number one” pointed to the one with the heart condition, there are surgeries… you could carry her to term and…”

Dean shook his head no “do we have chances to keep her?”

Dr Fukushima didn't even hesitate “not really, but faith…”

“Screw faith!” Sam let out “if they are born they’ll suffer, right?”

The doctor shook he head “sadly that’s why I’m saying this to you now…” and passed them a set of forms “if you agree, the best way to deal with this is having this pregnancy terminated.” Sam sobbed and held Dean’s hand harder “I know is a very traumatic process but, you’re almost around week 20 and after that we can’t finish the pregnancy…” Dean nodded. “I’ll give you a couple minutes, when you’re ready call for the nurse and I’ll have all arranged.”

The doctor left the room and finally in private Sam collapsed, sobbing and sobbing while holding his bump and repeating I’m sorry, over and over again, Dean tried his best to be the one calm. “We’ll try again Sammy, as soon as it’s safe… don’t worry, if you want a family we’ll have a family…” and held him while Sam cried and cried.

***

Dean was driving back home, Sam awake but quiet by his side. He knew what his brother was thinking about, the moment when they had to remove those girls from his body, how his two precious girls, were reduced to a bunch of clogs and crushed bones.

Every hope he ever had about his girls was gone, once more he failed protecting something, once more there was nothing left for him, he was spoiled, ruined, he was so bad he couldn’t even do the one thing nature made him for, not even such a simple task like sharing his body with new life, not even for Dean’s babies “baby…” Dean cleaned his face with the back of his hand “look at me, are you in pain?” Sam turned and half smiled before saying no “wish you didn't have to go through that”  
“I just feel like I should’ve done…” and hiccuped “I just wanted them to be okay, for once I wanted something that could be clean and innocent…” dried his cheeks with his hand “and I couldn't even keep them safe… not even before they were born.”

“HEY!” Sam once more turned to him “you did nothing wrong, and I’m not letting you blame yourself for this, nature is a matter of chances and we lost, okay? Is not your fault, you’re perfect…” Sam nodded and turned to the window again.

Dean saw the back seat where the stuffed animals were forgotten, he’d have to get rid of them once he set Sam at home.

Dean practically carried him to the house, sat him and let him sleep for a couple hours, helped him to the bathroom and back to the couch. Sam didn’t even want to eat the soup he made for him, Campbell’s tomato and rice soup, and Sam cried even more, because one night, when they finally figured out they were in love; Dean told him about mom making that soup for him “please Sammy…” once more cleaned Sam’s face dry “just a couple mouthfuls and I won’t bother you again” and Sam opened his mouth, just to not worry Dean. Took his pills and followed him numbly to bed.

Once Sam was asleep in their bed, once he set the toys aside, and hid all the baby stuff Sam was already hoarding, finally Dean let himself grief, even if for few hours, he sat on the same sofa where Sam slept and cried, cried until his eyes were dry and he felt stronger. By the time he went to bed the sky was already orange in the horizon. Sam turned to him and places his head on his chest, even being taller, and more muscular he liked how safe he felt there.

Dean woke up to an empty bed, Sam was sitting on the couch again, and Dean stayed with him all day, except for short periods of time when he went out because of costumers, Sam only ate if dean forced him, and didn’t even washed his hands without Dean following him up and down the house.

At night when Dean tried to hold him Sam moved away “I’m not ready…” used to say and Dean had patience and gave him the space he needed, even if at certain moments he felt like Sam didn’t love him anymore, that deep he was blaming Dean for the girls.

Two months later, they were on the road again, sleeping in separate beds, Sam did no effort to do things by himself, and Dean did everything his brother needed from him.  
Even if the hunts suffered from that.

One of those days Dean left and came back the next morning after a fast salt and burn, to find Sam in the same place he left him at “baby… you okay?”  
“Everything is fine…”

Dean looked at him for another minute before trying to be cool “Okay…” and brought a tray with some food on it “hope you don’t mind Campbell’s tomato and rice soup again… you can try something tomorrow… maybe one of those salads that you wanted me to eat…?” tried but there was no answer.

Another week passed Dean felt like he had enough, and while Sam went to the bathroom he moved to his lover’s bed, the second the younger man saw him let out a strangled “no”  
Dean was pissed, but he reins his temper and moved to make room for his lover “I won’t do anything, I won’t…” closed his eyes “I just want to sleep with you…”

He fell asleep before Sam got into the bed, but woke up with Sam’s boner pressed against his hip and pleasurable sounds leaving his brother’s mouth while he humped his leg “Sammy…” Dean mumbled and caressed his brother’s face to wake him up; worried that he was doing something without knowing.

Sam opened his eyes and letting out his brother’s name in a breathless sound kissed him.

Dean smiled on the kiss and held him close, slowly looking for skin, the thin material of shirt and boxer not enough to stop him, after just a couple seconds Sam was naked and prepared, and Dean had a wandering finger inside him already when Sam opened his eyes and started struggling, as if he were scared of something. “Dee, please… Dee… Dean!” and pulled away as fast as he could.

His brother let him go, and sitting at the edge, ready to leave “that’s it huh? We’re done. Isn’t it?” and half turning to Sam like waiting for an answer “Right?”  
Sam was crying and plopped on the pillow not facing him “so, this is over…”

“How can you want me again…after… how can you want it to happen again?” and sobbing “how can we risk to make someone innocent suffer because of us… like our girls?”

Dean didn’t turned this time “why you say that? You think I’m not hurting for my daughters too?” stoic and cold he kept a straight face.  
Sa, cleaned his own tears “you just kept going on, as if nothing happened, as if…” and he wept “how can you want me, for sex… how can you want to… knowing what we could do?” 

This time Dean turned and faced Sam’s back “what do you mean?”

Sam felt dean closer and turned too, he was biting his lower lip trying to calm himself “the doctor said so… it’s because bad genes find their pairs… there’s nothing we can do, we both have those genes… no matter what it’s gonna happen again, it’s our fault.”

Dean in one pull had him in his arms “don’t say that…” and kissed his hair “that can’t be true, that can’t… this is all that we have left. After everything was taken from us, this is the only good thing we have… the only thing clean and good…”

“It’s a sin…” mumbled Sam.

Dean held him tighter “everything was taken from us, Sammy, everything, you’re everything I have and all I need” and pushing him away enough to look into his eyes “I’m not quitting, not giving this up, we’ll be careful, if you want me to, I’ll have a vasectomy” Sam chuckled “if it happens again, I won’t let anything happen to you or the baby, even if I have to sell my soul and fight hell hounds, even if I have to go to purgatory... again” Sam smiled “no matter if I have to burn heaven and hell.”

Sam could feel the truth in those words, and felt cold and despair and held Dean as close as possible “don’t say that… don’t… I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to…” for a couple minutes they remained silent until Sam’s tears went dry and Dean stopped shaking, Dean kissed his baby brother’s forehead “we won’t let it happen again, we won’t risk ourselves… tomorrow I’ll ask fro a vasectomy… and…”

Sam let out a laugh “we’re gonna be okay, I don’t want you to do that… if it happens then it’ll happen” he moved and laid down on the bed  
Dean shifted until he was behind him, holding Sam’s back against him “are you sure?”

Sam nodded and let out an: I love you “we’ll be fine, you’ll see, whatever happen I’m gonna be here for you…”  
Sam turned and kissed the corner of Dean’s mouth “I know… I love you too”

It took them two more years because they weren’t really trying, but they had a baby, and he was perfect, it was amazing, he had Dean’s features, and Sam’s dimples, he had mom’s eye color and Dad’s lashes, he had every bit the Winchester’s and Campbell’s characteristics.

“I guess not all genes we’re damaged…” Dean was laid on the bed almost sleeping next to the baby while Sam was nursing him and smiled at the comment his lover let out “I guess so…” answered while his hand caressed Sam’s other nipple making him moan, a swat hit his arm “not in front of the baby… you’ll traumatize him…” Dean chuckled and closed his eyes again.

“Can’t wait until he’s asleep and I can play with his food” and licked his lips making Sam smile.  
The End


End file.
